The side effects....

Warning: Reading this blog may cause side effects. In some cases tests have shown this blog produces boredom, restlessness, abnormal thoughts, lessening of I.Q., repetitive cringing, gag reflux, confusion or disoriented, and a constant scratching of the head.

If you are an English major, or planning on an English degree in the future, never handle this blog because of delayed subliminal grammar habits that could manifest at a later date.

I get a kick out of these drug commercials you see on T.V. Always, without a doubt, the side effects are worse than the problem you have. If it were me, I’d live with toe fungus if it meant I’d have a case of projectile diarrhea by taking some voodoo medication.

Take a simple discomfort like hay fever. By taking AlleRx, you will be relieved of sinus congestion, sinus pressure, and sneezing due to colds. But here’s the trade off, you may have side effects like, upset stomach, trouble sleeping, excitability, dizziness, headache, drowsiness, nervousness, vomiting, constipation, and diarrhea. I guess you could call taking this medication a crapshoot.

A few years ago I had knee surgery. The Good Doctor prescribed Celebrex for pain due to knee swelling. As the doctor was writing out the prescription, I noticed his notepad had the Celebrex logo plastered on the letterhead. Then I shifted my eyes to his pen. Yep, the pen had the same Celebrex logo. Now I’m not one to jump on a conspiratorial bandwagon and I’m not saying the doctor was on the take. However, I gazed out the window and saw a brand new red Porsche being unloaded in the parking lot. The licenses plate read “Celebrex 1” and the doctor seemed very excited. Of course he could’ve just been on some hay fever medication.

I went on to learn Celebrex has some serious side effects, so I never took the stuff. I can live with a little knee pain to avoid chest pain, weakness, shortness of breath, slurred speech, and problems with vision or balance. In fact, that sounds like me after a 5 mile run.

But the side effects of Celebrex run much deeper than that and more maniacal, for instance, coughing up blood or vomit that looks like coffee grounds, not able to urinate, bruising, severe tingling, numbness, swelling and pain. Let me get this straight, you take Celebrex for pain due to swelling, but a side effect is pain and swelling. I think the Good Doctor could sell ice to the Eskimos if he wrote enough scripts to warrant a Porsche.

This next one really gets me. It’s called Propecia and it’s for hair loss. As far as prescription drugs go, this might be the vainest. Let’s get serious, how many men have died from hair loss? Shot down in a crowded bar, yes, but the wounds only killed the ego. Here’s the risk one takes to have beautiful hair like mine. Reported side effects are, rash, itching, hives, and swelling of the lips and face, some sexual problems I won’t get into, and breast tenderness and enlargement, and also testicular pain.

You think that baldhead made you unattractive, walk into a swinging nightclub itching with a swollen face while holding onto your groin and see how many dates you get.

Here’s another major and troubling fact about Propecia. Women who are or may potentially be pregnant must not use Propecia and should not handle crushed or broken tablets because the active ingredient may cause abnormalities of a male baby’s sex organs. WOW, of course if you’re a baldheaded loser there’s not a chance in Dixie there’s a women getting near you, so pop away boys.

There’s a drug called Sarafem, their slogan is, “More like the woman you are.” It’s for PMS a subject I know nothing about. Apparently it’s a big enough problem to merit a prescription and I have the side effects right here. Some women may experience headache, upset stomach, tiredness, insomnia, nervousness, dizziness, and difficulty concentrating. Now is this before or after a woman takes Sarafem?

I’m not saying drugs are bad, but I do think we are an over medicated society. There are no doubt drugs save lives and we’re fortunate to live in these times. But I am worried about the quantity and velocity these commercials for drugs come at us each night via our television sets. Drug makers spend about $5 billion on advertising each year and through slick marketing, the doctor is an afterthought, and we’re told what to ask for. I realize drug makers are in the business to make money; I have no problem with that.

This is a nation that runs on the bottom line, and like anything else, it’s up to us to calculate risk, reward, and self-control. That is of course if they don’t invent a pill for that too. (I wonder what the side effects would be…hmmm)