Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Hum the tune to Billy Boy, and let it play in the background of your head as you read.

On April 9th 2008 I wrote the following letter to my Senator, Bill Nelson. And he received this letter.

Dear Senator Nelson,
It is with utmost concern of your recent vote regarding earmarks; I was very disappointed in your behavior, and quite frankly embarrassed to see your name on a list of 71 senators. I’m saddened by the apparent lack of judgment you and your colleagues have on earmarks.

I applaud the work you’re doing for us on the Intelligence, Armed Services and Foreign Relations committees. I’m glad to see you think like I do when it comes to Chinese espionage. I stand by your quote, when you said, “The threat is real—and, we cannot allow ourselves to grow complacent.”
I just hoped you would have stood by the other senators when they made their case to stop earmarks because that threat is real also, and you would have to agree, you’ve become complacent on the issue.

I know in your heart, you don’t want tax dollars going to France to study the olive fruit fly. But that’s what happened in this last batch of 17.2 billion dollar earmarks.

I’m sure you’re a student of history. Remember what Thomas Jefferson said about earmarks, “It will be a scene of eternal scramble among the members, who can get the most money wasted in their state.” Not only was Jefferson brilliant, he could predict the future. My personal belief is that Jefferson knew future politicians couldn’t handle the freedom they were given.

Your reason for voting ”no” was probably weighed back and forth in your mind and the conclusion you came too must have made sense at the time, but I feel it was a mistake.
To the average working stiff, whose job is a little shaky right now (that’s me), we tend to get upset seeing our dollars passing out the senate door with no more regard than if it were Monopoly money. This is what causes us to lose faith in our government. It hurts to see wise men like you do unwise things.

As a senator you have the fiduciary responsibility to your constituents. When your hand was raised and the oath taken, we placed our trust in you. This is what makes our country great. We can look past party affiliation and bond as Americans. But I can’t help the feeling that you’ve served so long, you’ve become disconnected. This is why you may not see how it looks for a sitting senator to nay on a bill that would stop earmarks.

Our nation is 10 trillion in debt and it grows over a billion a day. Worthless earmarks, like the Montana Sheep Institute of all things, need to be stopped.

As you know, the government is responsible for our safety. And you are doing an outstanding job protecting us. Through your hard work, we sleep better knowing you’re on the job. However, the federal government has no place when it comes to state issues, Presidential libraries, or funding golf schools.

I know this letter holds little weight. I’ve never contributed to your campaign, and you’ve won every election without my vote.
But maybe, just maybe, we could come together and you would reconsider your stance on earmarks.

My hope is that this letter actually makes it to your eyes, Senator Nelson, and not just a staffer who shoots off a standard email reply.
My thoughts are with you’

Sincerely
Ron

Three weeks later, this was the Senators 188 word response.


Dear Mr. H.

Thank you for contacting me regarding appropriation earmarks.

Like you, I believe taxpayers have a right to know how their money is spent. That’s why I have supported several measures in the Senate to make the appropriations process more transparent.

Last year, I joined my colleagues in Congress to pass a law that requires members to disclose each earmark. This law also strengthens lobbying reporting requirements, provides greater restrictions on travel expenses and gifts from lobbyists, and increases bans on former staff lobbying. In 2006, I cosponsored another law that created a website to track Federal grants, contracts, earmarks and loans.

While the goal remains to prevent wasteful and abusive spending, I also believe stopping all earmarks would mean less funding for major State needs, such as the Florida National Guard, scientific and medical research at Florida universities, and roads, bridges, and other public facilities.

Still, I will continue to support laws to increase transparency and promote accountability in the appropriations process. I appreciate hearing from you on this important issue. Please don't hesitate to contact me in the future.


Notice how he didn’t even sign the letter. You’d think he’d at least said “Regards Bill Nelson.

Now I’m getting fairly good at Spenator Speak, so let’s see what the Good Senators words meant.

Dear Mr. H. (Put this name in a file under rabble-rouser)

Thank you for contacting me regarding appropriation earmarks. (Crap, another letter about earmarks.)

Like you, I believe taxpayers have a right to know how their money is spent. (Why are these earmarks made public?) That’s why I have supported several measures in the Senate to make the appropriations process more transparent. (That fancy wording should throw him off his game.)

Last year, I joined my colleagues in Congress to pass a law that requires members to disclose each earmark. (That reminds me, note to self. Take John McCain off my Christmas card list.) This law also strengthens lobbying reporting requirements, provides greater restrictions on travel expenses and gifts from lobbyists, and increases bans on former staff lobbying. (Kiss that free trip to Hawaii goodbye.) In 2006, I cosponsored another law that created a website to track Federal grants, contracts, earmarks and loans. (The old cosponsored gimmick gets them every time.)

While the goal remains to prevent wasteful and abusive spending, I also believe stopping all earmarks would mean less funding for major State needs, such as the Florida National Guard, scientific and medical research at Florida universities, and roads, bridges, and other public facilities. (Play the reverse card. Tell him, “He can have earmarks too.”)

Still, I will continue to support laws to increase transparency and promote accountability in the appropriations process. (Throw in more big words that mean nothing.) I appreciate hearing from you on this important issue. (Why did he bother me with such nonsense?) Please don't hesitate to contact me in the future. (But if you do boy, expect an audit coming your way.)

Regards

Bill Nelson (Scratch that, don’t give him the satisfaction of salutations)

(Hey Marge, get Kennedy on the phone. We need to bump up that Hawaii trip given by the pineapple lobbyists.)


There you have it. The man totally missed the point on Thomas Jefferson. In reality, I’m sure Nelson never saw the letter. Looks like the standard issue response to any mad constituents letter about earmarks. A team of lawyers probably wrote it, making sure all behinds were covered.
All I can do from my end is not vote for the man. Which is nothing new, he’s never gotten my vote.

Oh where have you been, charming Billy?

You can stop humming now.